Andy’s blog is great fun. A cheeky dismissal of “our elders and betters”. When I was at school, cheeky boys were pulled out of the class, bent over and smacked on their naughty bottoms. They would then return to their seats red-faced, trying to stifle tears that they wished no one to see. I predict this will shortly happen to Andy. Here is something very very naughty from only his second blog:-
Boulez is half dead, Stockhausen has become a mad old fat guy, both are not composing contemporary music anymore (well, perhaps contemporary, yes, but is it music ?) …what a useless life they have had eh ? Certainly they cannot claim that they have made the world a better place.
Boulez, a living genius in our midst, if ever there was one (may his perfumed name resound for ever) is opening the Holland Festival by conducting a Janacek opera. Eh? If I were in his shoes (aged 80, or whatever) I’d be at home sorting out my unfinished pieces, in preparation for departing this “vale of tears”. But no, not he. More puzzling still is the advertisement I saw for his performance of Pulcinella. Eh? Maybe Boulez has forgotten that he hates neoclassicism and is becoming as demented as his German counterpart. That mad, bad, fat-arse: Stockhausen.
Boulez is a performer of course, and these guys go on for ever. I remember Klemperer in London, his hands shaking as he conducted, and everybody wetting themselves over it. Eh? Peter Heyworth told me that K. used to have prostitutes service him in the green room. There is something admirable in that, probably. Though it will have weighed against him in the balance.
But I don’t expect the vale (or valley) of Psalm 23 – from which the only reprieve is God’s salvation – figures much in the imaginations of master conductors. Are they not already god-like themselves? Yes they are. Truth be told, even I, humble as I am, am not hoping for God’s salvation. But if by chance I wind up in the celestial sphere, I shall seek out some recently departed pope or cardinal and kick him hard in the nuts, don’t you worry.
And Stockhausen will get a state funeral on Sirius presumably, so that’s sorted.
Probably Ananda Sukarlan and the other performers I know will still be arriving on stage in their wheelchairs when they themselves get old. I think Klemperer conducted from a wheelclair in the end. Most of these people are smothered by their relatives – it’s the only way finally to be rid of them.
I deeply reverence old age, and I have enormous respect for an old fucker like Stockhausen. I wouldn’t dream of describing this master composer, and child of the stars, as “a mad old fat guy” as Ananda has. The very idea!
Ananda Sukarlan! Come here boy! Bend over! Take six of the best! WACK! WACK! WACK! WACK! WACK! WACK!